Saturday, 15 November 2008
Thursday, 13 November 2008
How to make books.
Monday, 10 November 2008
How can I service you today?
My Dad wants to know if I want to go sailing with him, for two months, in the Caribbean.
As I walked down Maidenhead High Street, listening to young mothers hitting their children, with rain pouring down the back of my neck, on my way to my interview at the local CD shop (once Our Price, formerly HMV, short lived Virgin, now a Zavvi), I thought... yeah, now that sounds like a good deal.
Seriously, where do I sign up?
As I walked down Maidenhead High Street, listening to young mothers hitting their children, with rain pouring down the back of my neck, on my way to my interview at the local CD shop (once Our Price, formerly HMV, short lived Virgin, now a Zavvi), I thought... yeah, now that sounds like a good deal.
Seriously, where do I sign up?
Sunday, 9 November 2008
Decline and Fall.
Evelyn Waugh is the Anna Faris of literature. Stuff falls broadly under the comedy blanket, but a good fall comedy fall is a good comedy fall, no matter what the experts say. Today I finished off Decline and Fall. It's good, read it. It's strongest in it's first third.
"I suppose the first thing I ought to do is get your names clear. What is your name?" he [Paul} asked, turning to the first boy.
"Tangent, sir."
"And yours?"
"Tangent, sir," said the next boy. Pauls heart sank.
"But you can't both be called Tangent".
"No, sir, I'm Tangent. He's just trying to be funny".
"I like that. Me trying to be funny! Please sir, I'm Tangent, sir; really I am.
"If it comes to that, " said Master Clutterbuck from the back of the room, "there is only one Tangent here, and that is me, anyone else can jolly well go to blazes".
Paul felt desperate.
"Well, is there anyone here who isn't Tangent?"
Four or five voices instantly arose.
"I'm not sir; I'm not tangent.I wouldn't be called Tangent, sir"
In a few seconds the room had become divided in to two parties: those who were Tangent, and those who were not. Blows were already being exchanged, when the door opened and Grimes came in. There was a slight hush.
"I thought you might like want this", he said, handing Paul a walking stick "and if you take my advice you'll give them something to do".
He went out; and Paul, firmly grasping the walking stick, faced his form.
"Listen", he said. "I don't care a damn what any of you are called, but if theres another word from you I shall keep you in all afternoon".
"You can't keep me in", said Clutterbuck, "I'm going for a walk with Captain Grimes".
"Then I shall very well nearly kill you with this stick. Meanwhile, you shall all write an essay on 'Self-indulgence'. There will be a prize of half-a-crown for the longest essay, irrespective of any possible merit".
From then onwards all was silence until breaktime.
"I suppose the first thing I ought to do is get your names clear. What is your name?" he [Paul} asked, turning to the first boy.
"Tangent, sir."
"And yours?"
"Tangent, sir," said the next boy. Pauls heart sank.
"But you can't both be called Tangent".
"No, sir, I'm Tangent. He's just trying to be funny".
"I like that. Me trying to be funny! Please sir, I'm Tangent, sir; really I am.
"If it comes to that, " said Master Clutterbuck from the back of the room, "there is only one Tangent here, and that is me, anyone else can jolly well go to blazes".
Paul felt desperate.
"Well, is there anyone here who isn't Tangent?"
Four or five voices instantly arose.
"I'm not sir; I'm not tangent.I wouldn't be called Tangent, sir"
In a few seconds the room had become divided in to two parties: those who were Tangent, and those who were not. Blows were already being exchanged, when the door opened and Grimes came in. There was a slight hush.
"I thought you might like want this", he said, handing Paul a walking stick "and if you take my advice you'll give them something to do".
He went out; and Paul, firmly grasping the walking stick, faced his form.
"Listen", he said. "I don't care a damn what any of you are called, but if theres another word from you I shall keep you in all afternoon".
"You can't keep me in", said Clutterbuck, "I'm going for a walk with Captain Grimes".
"Then I shall very well nearly kill you with this stick. Meanwhile, you shall all write an essay on 'Self-indulgence'. There will be a prize of half-a-crown for the longest essay, irrespective of any possible merit".
From then onwards all was silence until breaktime.
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Johnny Dreams of Plastic?
My friend and fellow lone-blogging wolf Simon wrote this comic strip, based on an experience he had at his work.
So I wrote this.
As I'm not working at the moment, I don't have any experiences at work. However, today I dropped a bottle of Calpol on the kitchen floor. Calpol is a children's medicine that doesn't do much except reduce fever and taste of sugar, sugar and strawberry syrup. Kids go crazy for it, and in turn it makes them a little crazy. Theres liters of the stuff here. Its a viscous substance, shimmers in the light and it very hard to clear up. Also the bottle breaks in a manner of interesting ways. Shouldn't it be plastic?
So I wrote this.
As I'm not working at the moment, I don't have any experiences at work. However, today I dropped a bottle of Calpol on the kitchen floor. Calpol is a children's medicine that doesn't do much except reduce fever and taste of sugar, sugar and strawberry syrup. Kids go crazy for it, and in turn it makes them a little crazy. Theres liters of the stuff here. Its a viscous substance, shimmers in the light and it very hard to clear up. Also the bottle breaks in a manner of interesting ways. Shouldn't it be plastic?
Friday, 7 November 2008
Blah. Teh. Meh.
You think about things a lot less when your foremost companion is a three-year-old. Today we baked cakes and pretended to be various modes of transport. Then I popped up Norden Farm to check out some jazz. An old dude told me about his post-war days playing trombone and jiving at the 100 club. I was well jealous.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Sticking and Gluing 2. Stick Harder!
Kaydence and I made this sign today for her bedroom door. I did the letters (!), my favorite being the 'Y'. I am also proud that Spiderman got such good billing. I also tried to explain that the letter 'C' was blue, which is the same colour as 'the sea'. Then I tried to explain why this was interesting, but then couldn't remember if it was a homophone or what, so I just made splashing noises for a while. Kaydence unimpressed by my attempt at invoking a marine wonderland with only my voice and my heart. Imbecile.
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