All Your Beths Are Belong To Us

ROBOTS>>>>

2010-10-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Giant Robots are an artist collective based in London and the South East of England. Working since the Summer of 2009, Robots aim to shine a new light on public art, creating intellectual yet accessible interactive sculptures. Heavily influenced by comics, graffiti and the contents of skips, Robotshave captured the interest of the art world and media and have recently appeared in print in the New York Times.
Robots work predominately in reclaimed and recycled wood, old furniture and pieces that have been disregarded by others. The aesthetic of these sculptures are entirely determined by the resources available as well as being completely sustainable in a time when resources and finances need to be considered.
A 20 minute documentary filmed at the build of a large interactive sculpture at Secret Garden Party festival in July 2010.

ROBOTS>>>> I Hate Summer from Tali Clarke on Vimeo.

Awww, Gregory...

2010-10-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.brandokay.com/

Every School I have Ever Attended.

2010-09-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

I found this in my Dads filofax.

This Flower Situation.

2010-09-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

I finished my contract at Hodder last week, and was brought some lovely flowers by my lovely (former) collegues. It was a bright and chipper sunny day, and I left Hodder Towers to stroll down to Charing Cross, where I was working the evening at the 99 Club (A heavily Canadian line-up, including Tommy Campbell, who I insulted by mistake the first time I met him [save that heart-warming story for later])

Anyway, I'm strolling down Tottenham Court Road in the sun, clutching my big fluffy bouquet of flowers, when a lady stops me in the street.

Lady: Do you know where I can buy flowers round here?

(Note, I'm not so good at sudden questions - I flap a lot.Especially when someone asks you where a flower shop is on TC Road where clearly, clearly, theres nothing but mobile phone shops everywhere)

Me: Umm, right. Yes. No. Well, I dont know. Theres a shop. Over there. A Sainsburys. That might sell flowers. It's like, 10 minutes back that way and on the left.

Lady: But not here?

Me: What?

Lady: But you don't know where theres a flower shop here?

Me: Ummm. No? Not really... ummm... Sainsburys.... up the... on the ...

Lady: (Massively exasperated by my inability to assist her with her botanical needs) I only asked you because I can see that you've JUST BOUGHT FLOWERS.

Wait. Back it up Lady... I didnt buy these, I was bought them. Why would you assume that I had to buy my own flowers? What are you implying? What does this mean?

This troubled me somewhat, but was made a lot worse later at work. Lovely Brett Goldstein is a young, hunky non-canadian comedian who was also on the bill that night. As we were clearing up after the show, Lou the AP pointed to my flowers, which I had stuck in a pint of water.

Lou : Oh no... Brett's forgotten his flowers...

Me: What! THOSE ARE MY FLOWERS! WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME THEY WERE BRETT'S?

Lou: Jesus...

However, its not been all bad press for flowers. There were a lot of flowers at Catherine and Rob's wedding. It was the nicest wedding I have ever been to. Here are their rings.

Joaq-tastic

2010-09-02T03:39:00.000-07:00

I'm still excited.

Project X

2010-08-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

We went down to the frankly wicked crypts under St Andrews church in Holburn, where we planned to introduced some very excited James Bond fans to Jeffrey Deaver, who will be writing the next Bond novel.

Having hired some uber-hotties (thanks Dom, Marc and Rich! x) to stand in as guides and guards, our guests arrived at various time slots and were greeted and whisked off to the darkest part of the crypt to meet the man himself. Books were signed, Bond related questioned were asked, and each guest was given a card with a personalised code, and told to keep their eyes and ears open.

We would be in touch again soon.

A couple of Bond fans couldnt make it, so they recieved this box in the post, complete with a personal video message from Deave.

http://jamesbondprojectx.com/

INSIDE (I'm very sad indeed)

2010-08-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

This finished its Edinburgh run yesterday. I have known for a few months that I wouldn't get a chance to see it, but now that its finished, I think I could cry. Dear Jean, Please tour this.

INSIDE is a compelling new dance by Brazilian choreographer Jean Abreu, with music by post-rock band 65daysofstatatic. This work explores violence, incarceration, solitude and hope.

Inspired by the world of prisons and the individuals confined within their walls, INSIDE touches a nerve that unsettles today’s society: violence and imprisonment. Raising philosophical and moral questions about the treatment of prisoners and the system that is there to rehabilitate them, this fierce new work deals with the relationship between prisoner and prison in a society increasingly obsessed with control.

In this physically demanding performance, Abreu uses the body to interpret the effect of incarceration on the individual to create a movement vocabulary charged with emotional content and raw expression. In this journey, Jean directs a group of outstanding male dancers to navigate their way through the piece, confronting their own thoughts and vulnerabilities to reveal the real person behind the ‘criminal’.

'INSIDE' by Jean Abreu - Teaser from Jean Abreu on Vimeo.

The reviews I've seen for it have been great, also.

Blues Brothers @ Latitude

2010-08-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

In June, Future Cinema and a couple of vans of pews headed off to the wilds of Suffolk from Hackney with no map to take over the Film and Music arena for one night, turning it into the Hard Rock Church from the much-loved 1980 film Blues Brothers. Complete with Blues-Mobile, Blues Brothers, our very own preacher and awesome band of awesomeness Kitty, Daisy and Lewis (they were seriously awesome) we danced the night away with over 1000 happy campers.

As part of the rest of our mini-holiday at the truly lovely Latitude Festival, I also enjoyed Spoon, Frank Turner, Jonsi, Act 2 of Mathew Bournes Swan Lake, Richard Herring, Bret Easton Ellis, and a screening of Four Lions with Chris Morris.

I also enjoyed this amazing use of a piece of a drum kit.

Honda 'Live Every Litre'

2010-08-06T02:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.liveeverylitre.com/

Honda asked people what would they do with a car and a tank of fuel. They picked 13 people and let them do it. Then they released the resulting doc online in June, and the the same time, held a live premier for Honda and the 'stars' of the film. Stunts were recreated, some awesome bands played (these guys were good http://blog.revereonline.co.uk/ as was this little sweetheart http://www.myspace.com/maxodonnellguitar), we had a naked barbecue, drank some rum, and this all took place in some concrete tunnels in Southwark.

Mathlete

2010-08-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite bands provide the musical backdrop to a lovely video of a man called Duncan learning to master the ancient art of 3D animation. You can twitter Duncan @buncandrown

The song is Mathlete, the band are (were? I can't keep up) Actionier.

Yet another celebrity crap-spot. Number 8?

2010-07-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

Matthew Horne coming out of Kings X station. It took Emily Pe and I nine whole minutes to remember his name. He looked like a vampire and was dressed like a new romantic poet.

Bubble Wrap

2010-01-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

So this is from a TV spot for car insurance company. Its a street in Birmingham which has the highest number of insurance claims in the country. And was covered in bubble wrap for the day. I like bubble wrap and climbing ladders, so this was a good day to be me.

Jersey Shore (Head in Hands)

2010-01-15T15:50:00.001-08:00

I've forgotten how to blog. I must have done because look, I haven’t done it in ages. It used to be easy. I just read a book or watched a film and then moaned about how stupid it was or how much it would have been better if I had written it. But I haven't done that in ages. I'm sure I've got loads to talk about.... I went to see Dylan Moran and David O'Doherty (I made him laugh. Twice). I saw La Premier Jour de Reste de ta Vie, which is possibly not spelt at all like that but made ME laugh twice... I read Johnny Magic and the Card Shark Kids, which was awesome, and David Karps One which I should have read years ago. I finally saw The Sure Thing in which John Cusack out-Cusack’s himself. I discovered Wavves, painted a shop front in Carnaby St for the good people at WeSC and got a Yoda eight-ball for Christmas. I dipped my TV-watching-toes into the terrifying waters of US reality monstrosity Jersey Shore (Seriously, Hey! America! We have reality TV too... remember when the two girls on Big Brother got upset and threatened to hit each other, and Channel 4 cut its live feeds, called security and police, and took the girls off the show? .... they did not 1) Continue filming ACTUAL PHYSICAL FIGHTS 2) Broadcast the footage 3) Do nothing that would in any way resemble a consequence to peoples actions. America you are so strange. Or right-on... I mean, why shouldn't the little scrappers be treated like the performing monkeys they so clearly are? Jersey Shore is insanity. It’s this unbelievable hyper-escalation of real-time life. Its like the eleventh dimension. That’s the only way I can describe it. Some people go and live in a house by a beach and fall in love with each other and then fight each other and then go into another room and find someone else to fall in love with and fight and each episode is nearly an hour long just to cram in all the loving and fighting and then you find out that the entire span of the show is about three weeks. I have been alive Twenty Seven Years, and have found no one to fight and very few people worth falling in love with, but not only are these guys doing more fighting and loving than entire nations, there’s only seven of them! How does that ratio work? Put me in a room with seven people and it's probably going to be a few hours before I'm comfortable enough to chat, and there could be several years hiatus before I get bored enough to want to kill or kiss someone. Oh look, I remembered how to blog I guess...)

L-R Psycopath, Whore, Angry Midget, Fairly Unremarkable but Otherwise Likeable Dude,

CheatingWhore, Hysterical Whiner, Perky Midget, Departed but Atrocious Human Being.

Anyhow, these are the kids from Jersey Shore. There are eight of them here, but purple top girl (the spectacularly obnoxious Angelique) didn’t manage to hang around for the whole series. If you ever, ever see any of these people coming in your direction, turn and run unless you want to be violated in some unspeakable way.

Its kinda worth looking at the Wikipedia entry for the series, as it details the piles of controversy surrounding the show, and has this to say about Nicole (she’s the shortest girl one) "She is not an embarrassment to Italian Americans – she is actually an embarrassment to the entire human race". This is funny, because as far I've seen in the series, she was a contender for Most Quazi-Human Entity in Jersey Shore. Her or Vinnie, anyways.

VersesVsVerses

2009-12-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

My friend Benny made these things out of noises. I am most partial to Lowfiful, which I love love love.

Celebrity Crap Spot # 7

2009-12-01T15:22:00.001-08:00

Anna Friel, coming out of the Empire Cinema, L. Square. It was raining, and she brought an unbrella.

She is tiny.

Secret Cinema present Bugsy Malone

2009-11-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

(500) Days of Summer. Again.

2009-11-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

No one likes to realise they were wrong about something, so it's nice to be reassured, by what ever fates or mediums come your way, that you were right all the long. I recently had to watch popular indie rom-com (500) Days of Summer AGAIN, but am pleased to report that while I found more things to like about it the second time round, I still disliked it as much as I remembered. At the heart of the problem, of course, is its female lead, the eponymous Summer. The role is played by the doe-eyed ZDC, who've I explained my problems with before. The good thing about (500) Days of Summer is that it also stars Joseph Gordon -Levitt. JGL is a proper acting genius. He was amazing in Mysterious Skin, and completely carried the dribbly mess that was Brick (ask anyone, anyone what they can remember about Brick. Popular answers are 'a payphone' , 'a bridge', 'a sort of warm sunny wall', 'the girl from Lost, but she wasn't Australian' and 'Joseph Gordon-Levitt'). Luckily, no-one asks JGL to hoist (500) DOS onto his back and drag into post-production and for the purposes of this movie, nothing too taxing is really asked of JGL. He wears a very good wardrobe very well (I am sticking to my guns on this - his wardrobe is the best thing about this film by miles) and smashes a karaoke scene with a triumphant Pixies interpretation. If there was an award for Best Male Karaoke Performance within a Fairly Pointless Film, Bill Murray (Lost in Translation) would be passing it over to JGL right now.

The film had the same faults - the most interesting character {the best friend who hasn't had a girlfriend since seventh grade} still only gets four minutes of screen time, the sister still seems to have walked on to the set from a different production and I don't get the bookend voice-overs. Also whats with the title? Is the film really called Days of Summer or just 500? Like 300? "This....is.... Chicago!!"? Was it set in Chicago? I can't really remember, which is weird because wasn't the films protagonist was supposed to be an architect in love with the city? Wasn't he? Oh who cares. Your man wears two different Joy Division t shirts within two hours, for Christs sake, and then wonders why he gets dumped. In fact, I think that's the problem with the whole film. It does have some really good moments. The karaoke (JGL, not ZDC singing that song that sounds like the theme song to The Shoe People), the Han Solo reflection bit, the party expectation/reality split screen. But all the gaps between the clever bits are filled in with nonsense and non-characters with non-backgrounds.

And that is exactly the problem with the film. It's too many Joy Division tshirts mixed in with too many average tshirts. Then your Joy Division shirts stand out too much and show everything else up as tired, mediocre rubbish.

Heres the audio of the winner of the Official Best Male Karaoke Performance within a Fairly Pointless Film Award 2009

Cut-price Celebrity 'spots'

2009-11-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

I saw this lady walking down Portabello Road on Wednesday.

Her name is Vera Filatova, and she played Elena on Peep Show. I mention this because I once had an elaborate plan to devote an entirely separate blog to my Crap Celebrity Spots, but considering I seem to be unable to regually update even this blog, its possibly for the best that I didn't extend my evil blog empire. So, I'll cram them all in here.

1) Vera Filatova, obviously. She was very short (shorter than me), had small features and seemed calm.

2) Samantha Mumba, walking along Poland Street, talking on her phone. She is very, very tall, super-smiley and seemed full of energy (so I guess that one number one hit didn't take it out of her too much).

3) Ian Brown. Greasy of hair and slumped of shoulder. He was in an off-licence in Soho.

4) Alan Carr. Oxford St.

5) Simon Amstell, different end of Oxford street

6) Lily Cole, Charing Cross Road. Very nice mittens.

It reads like the guest list for the Ant and Dec ITV Xmas Special. *sigh*

Chapter 24

2009-10-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

Until all good thing start happening to all good people, You have to be satisfied with some good things happily happening to the occasional good person.

My friend Claire Smith is one of the good people. We met in 2007, both working for the same insane Edinburgh fringe venue production company. We ended up spending a week plaster-boarding the walls of a burnt-out building (it was a fairly big room, it was just the two of us most of the time, and our levels of plaster-boarding experience prior to that week can safely be described as poor-very poor). We pushed each other around on scaffolding towers , listened to a little radio and we shared the common ground of thinking most other people were daft or deranged most of the time. Claire was pretty shy when she wasn't ragging on other people in the safety of our sequestered work area, so I was surprised to find out that she was the front-woman and melodica player in a band. Ever suspicious and hyper-critical, I was even more surprised when I got around to hearing them and found out that they were great, she was great, everything about them is totally great. I've been to a couple of their shows over the last two years - the band manage to always sound slick and bouncy, and Claire sings like an angel and dresses like a black magic woman who has twirled through the worlds most incredible clothes shop and emerged with whispers of splendour vaguely attached to her.
They are fun, creative, enchanting, and I cant think of anyone to compare them to, but you can listen on their super-minimal myspace here.

Anyway, the good thing that has happened to them is this review from the NME. It's there, right in the middle. The review above the is The Lemonheads. Thats some hallowed space they are occupying, in my book anyway. Click on it to make it big.

Chapter 24 are playing next Thursday at the Hoxton Bar and Grill, at 8.15, for twenty minutes to the Moshi Moshi A&R peeps. Come and swoon down the front with me.

See, good things can happen to the good peoples.

The Moany-moanarium of Dr Bethassus

2009-10-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

So The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a bit rubbish is it? Really? What tipped you off? Was it, perhaps, this trailer

Me - Ohh, Parnassus trailer
Voice of Film Reason (VOFR) - Yep.
Me - Looks cool. Nice. Colourful. CGI.Okay.
VOFR - Yep.
Me - And here's the plot summary. Nice and simple. Okay.
VOFR - Yep.
Me - Christopher Plummer. He's a bit of a budget Christopher, no?
VOFR - l'il bit.
Me - And here's Lily Cole. She's fun looking. Oh, no talking, Lily?
VOFR - No. Remember St Trinian's.
Me - Oh yeah. Good Point. Oh, here's the interesting 'lots of people playing the same part'.
VOFR - It's not really that interesting.
Me - No, not really. Isn't it funny to think that Johnny Depps actually really old? Hey, here comes the blurb clippings. 'Stunning'. Ok. 'Dazzling'. Right. Lots of little words probably relating to production design then, which come to think of it, looks very similar to the Jodorowsky Dune sketches.
VOFR - You can't prove anything.
Me - Christopher Plummer was in Twelve Monkeys. That's a good film, shall we watch that now?
VOFR - You can. I'm just here to facilitate your internet bitching, remember....?

Parnassus is currently rocking a 7.6 on the IMDB. I'll probably really enjoy it. I saw this on Tuesday, and definitely enjoyed it. It's a little too long, the editing is so-so in places, and it mixes amazing performances with ones that sort of make you wince. But it's wickedly fun (and currently rocking a very appropriate 6.6 on the imdab).

There's one shop. Does that make it a town?

2009-10-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

Whilst face-booking my way through my day yesterday, I noticed that a face-friend of mine had updated their status to "Jessica Fox is looking forward to dying her hair red for the last time".
This sent me into a spiral of worry, Jessica Fox dyes her hair red because she plays a character on television who has red hair. If she was going to stop dying it, she wasn't going to be playing the character anymore, and that, my friends, would mean the end of my excuse to watch Hollyoaks.

Hollyoaks first hit our screens in 1995 - it's a soap opera aimed at young people/adults, and is set in the (town? city? hamlet?) of Hollyoakes, Chester. Hollyoaks storylines first centred around the lives of about 10 'young people' but now involves a cast of 50 +, which are frequently refreshed by the HCC (Hollyoaks Community College) freshers intake, which top-up the population after a years worth of carnage has dispatched half the village.

Since 1995, Hollyoaks story lines have included drug addiction (all kinds), murder (planned and accidental), arson(in one case coupled with an attempt at suicide bombing), hit and run palavers, abortion, suicide, car crashes, plane crashes, homelessness, financial problems, interracial relationships, racism, religion, bisexuality, homosexuality, homophobia, sexual confusion, alcoholism, rape (male and female), cancer, child abuse, domestic violence, anorexia/bulimia (and the one character who was fat), incest, sexual harassment, general bullying, what happens when you 'accidentally' accuse your foster parents of abuse, carbon monoxide poisoning, living with epilepsy, hiding your diabetes, HIV, pupil/teacher relationships, self harm, roid-rage,schizophrenia, OCD, gambling addiction, shoplifting, fostering, teenage pregnancy, miscarriage, kidnapping, brain aneurysm, surrogacy, faking your own death, the totally harrowing Cot-Death of Baby Grace and The Claire Cunningham Story Arc.

In 1996, Hollyoaks was voted "Most Dangerous Place in the World. Ever".

I've been lucky enough to have a few friends take their lives in their literal hands and feature on this chronic mash-up of doom-opera, playing, respectively,

a bloke who was didn't date-rape someone, but somehow confessed to it, which everyone believed because he somehow had managed to burn down his ex-girlfriends house, was sent to prison, escaped by holding his sister hostage, then burns down the pub with half the cast and himself in it. He dies.
a guy who had testicular cancer, crabs, and saw his sister raped. he has since disapeared to France(?) having kidnapped some kid who may or maynot be his son.
a teacher who slept with a schoolboy, had his baby, and was put in prison after he cried rape where she was promptly stabbed to death.

But none of this can possibly be as bad as what Jess must be facing in the run up to her exit, because Jess is Hollyoaks no-hold-barred property. Yep, Jess plays one of the 'Oaks alternative cast members.

As bad as life if for anyone who makes the mistake of alighting at Hollyoaks Metropolis Station, life is a million times worse for the interesting ones.

Sasha the goth and keyboard player in Hollyoak's only band got hooked on heroin in year 9 and started stealing and eventually hooking.
Newt the emo kid (fostered by Jack and co) 'got' schizophrenia and several split personalities which tried to kill various people, and then him.
Zoe (who wasn't even that cool but just looked like a normal person) currently rots in jail after she started dating an old man and had a lesbian affair with his daughter who has just committed suicide during a sky dive.
Chris the transvestite is regularly beaten half to death and sort-of had HIV for a while.
Rhys (who is a total loser, but did form the Hollyoaks band) tried to date the local swimming star, but was then seduced by her mum to sabotage the relationship. His attempt at a new relationship also went tits-up when he found out his new girlfriend was also his half-sister. But it was all okay, because he accidentally killed her later on.

Jess plays Nancy. She's already had a reasonably rough time as her sister was murdered leaving her looking after her sisters son whilst still at college. Then the son was ill, and she started dating her sisters former husband who then abused her. I doubt things are going to get better. Nancy has dyed red hair. The wikipedia for her character notes that she is "portrayed as a less conventional character compared to the rest of the Hollyoaks teenagers". She is in for it. In fact not only is she quirky, shes also one of the characters who moved to Hollyoaks 'from the South'.

Oh dear.

Yeah, Yeah (I'm Not You) ...

2009-08-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit of an MTV fanatic. I can get a little addicted to some proper rubbish on it (Made, Switched, The Hills etc) so I felt it was my duty to check out recent a offering, the overly-longly-named Sharon Osbournes Rock of Love Charm School. Now, I'm not so sure that Sharon Osbourne is properly qualified to teach 'charm' to America's young charmless women, in fact, I have a Brownie Guides 'Hostess' badge, so in terms of formal qualifications, I may have been a better candidate. But teaching charm she is, and her loud, hair-extensioned, gum-chewing charges seem to be benefiting from the experience. In the episode I watched, they had to entertain a fake duchess. They seemed to do okay. And it offered the minimum of entertainment value, but was regrettably unquote-able. In between vaguely watching, I channel hopped, taking in some of Dogg After Dark (some kind of chat show, set in a night club, with Snoop Doggy Dogg hosting) and watched a little of a short film, which was on the channel that no-one watches, that just shows short films. The short had a couple of well-heeled super indie US actors in, and just as I was giving up and going to bed, Zooey Deschanel popped up.

The problem with Zooey, of course, is that its all a bit much. Shes very pretty, very well-dressed, gets to be in movies that range from huh? to pseudo-blockbuster to pretty damn good. And she got to kiss Paul Dano in Gigantic. She's in a band that have a record deal, and she's engaged to Ben Gibbard. Of course, on the other hand, she's not a great actress, her band are fairly rubbish (despite having M. Ward as a song-writing partner), and she's engaged to Ben Gibbard (fellow social commentator Samuel Dougherty remarks "that's got to be a totally insipid relationship").

The problem really, and the main issue facing young women today, is that however they look at it, they have little to no real chance of being Zooey Deschanel. She is Zooey, and no one else can be. She even gets to have her otherwise mediocre (but not unpleasant) name (ZOE) spelt in the most uber-cool way possible.

It's such a tragedy for the rest of the world that I (late, sleepy and not Zooey) wrote a song about it. I have stolen the tune from a ditty Kaydence and I co-wrote in June (the instant classic "Yeah, Yeah, I've Got Zips!" - inspired by Kaydence's discovery that my coat had buttons, but hers had zips) and created the mostly inferior "Yeah, Yeah (I'm Not You) ZOOEY!

I have no way at the moment, to share this wondrous piece of song writing, but I can offer a sample of lyrics, for everyone who is not Zooey.

Yeah, Yeah, (I'm Not You) ZOOEY!

I'm told most every machine comes with defects built in, just to keep you buying spare parts,
But I'm fairly sure, yes? that you are flawless,
So smile for the camera, sweetheart.
It's not you, it's just me,
Are you Zooey? No, I'm not. Yeah? but,
Yeah, yeah, I'm not you (ZOOEY!)
Yeah, yeah, I'm not you (ZOOEY!)
Yeah, yeah, I'm not you. Yeah, yeah, yeah...

And thats quite enough of that.

It's on the TELEVISION.

2009-08-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

Couple of experiences recently with TV commercials...

“Choose a different ending” was the Met’s anti knife crime advert campaign aimed at 13 to 15-year-olds. Through a series of interactive short films, the campaign asked viewers to make decisions in relation to various scenarios relating to knife crime. These were presented on television as bookends during your average 3 min advertising segment. I'm sure you remember the ones, a POV camera followed a jacketed yoof type as he was shouted at by a bunch of other yoofs, goes home, gets a knife and prepares to get shivvy with it. The ads would cut away pretty suddenly, meaning they kind of ran into what ever the next adverts were, confusing everybody. Especially the wonderful day when I saw “Choose a different ending” cut directly to a Robert Dyas advert, which opened with a Robert Dyas storefront. Amazing. “Choose a different ending” - consider buying your knives from quality high-street kitchenware emporiums. Those knives cut deep, kids.

Despite parking myself in front of the TV with my camera for literally days, desperate to see this amazing piece of TV blunder-ation again, it has remained elusive. I can't explain how amazing it was. I had to actually stand up, point at the Tv and look around saying "Oh! Oh my..! Did you? Did that?", despite knowing I was the only one home. Now that's how one should react to a advert.

Here's how one should not react to an advert Coca-Cola - by blinking (a bit), shrugging, and muttering "Welcome aboard the hipster train. Losers" Sorry, C-dubs, Calvin Harris weak-ass summer song, weird puppety beasties, organs, shiny happy people: I don't buy it, or your sugar-water.

Rock Star

2009-08-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

Kids a genius.

Just another day ...

2009-07-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

I have a few issues with temper control, and what professionals call "anger management", Its something I work on, and I know I have a terrible temper. It's mostly under control but there are certain things that really set me off. As I walked down towards the train station this morning, I had to cross a narrow bridge, I stood aside for a young woman and her pushchair, and prepared to do the same for a middle-aged gent, plump, sweaty and balding. A business suit chap, I guess in his early forties. As he passed by, instead of the the mumbled "thanks" I was expecting, he decided to "pass comment" on my breasts.

Turning on my heels, I followed the fat bastard up the hill.

At the top of this particular hill, happens to be one, singular office block (TIBCO Biopharm and Pharmecutical Reasearch). I was fairly sure this was where he was heading, and happy days, it was.

I gave him four minutes, then buzzed my way into reception.

"Excuse me" said I (to the receptionist) "I was just walking up the hill when a man dropped his phone, he came in here, its quite an expensive phone, and if I'm sure its the chap in question, I would like to return it to him. Hes large, balding and wearing a sky blue shirt"

"Well" said the receptionist "That sounds like Mark Saunders,the marketing CEO, hes just gone up to his office"

The kindly receptionist let me into the lift for the second floor, where delightful Mark oversaw an open office.

Upon arriving at his floor I dropped my bag (to attract attention) and declared as the office looked up "Ladies and Gentleman, my name is Bethan Hopkins, and I am 17 years old. Mark Saunders, your CEO, just made graphic and tasteless sexual remarks towards me as I passed him on the street. He is a filthy, desperate excuse for a man".

Saunders cried for security and the police. I grabbed an extension phone and said I would call the press. I'm not 17, I'm 26, but don't really look it. Still, Saunders, you filth-bucket, that's no excuse.

Trek.

2009-05-08T06:14:00.001-07:00

I am certainly going to enjoy, if not like, the new Star Trek film. That is just a fact. But I really, really enjoyed and liked this, from the good people at The Onion.

Killer Bees? Again?

2009-05-07T14:50:00.001-07:00

Today I watched Castle in the Country, at approx 1pm on BBC 2. I have never seen anything quite like it in my life. For a while, I couldn't tell if it was a genius spoof a la Posh Nosh, or if the BBC had finally flipped its lid and was now dedicating an hour of its daily programming to shows specifically designed for the recepients of the Barbour Jackets Club-Class Collectors mailing list.

From the BBC 2 website "Castle in the Country is a daytime magazine programme based in some of the UK's finest castles focussing on rural affairs, agriculture, environment, food and the countryside".

This epidode focused on Burghley House, seems like a nice little spot, hmm?

But the hidden terrors. From the show, I quote ..

"Tom discovers a rare bird in Burghley House, and it's pinned to a wall"
"Gordon is preparing a desert inspired by his Grandmother"

"So, Sybil, the house was completly destroyed in a fire in the 1800's, did you lose everything?"
"Actually, no, the Beringer Rose garden remained undamaged - quite a relief"

Quite. Especially when over in the other wings of the estate, crazed cannibals are basting octogenarian family members and nailing sweet avarians to the walls in blood-lust.

Sadly, the show chose to focus on a show-jumping competition curently being set-up in the 'grinds' of the 'hice'. Nora Bunsenton-Bunsenton was eager to explain that the jumps were made impressivly difficult by being narrow, set near water etc - things that horses don't like. Why not take it to another level, Nora? I bet horses really don't like fire, do they? Or killer bees?

But thats another episode, I'm sure.

First day..

2009-04-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today was Kaydence's first day at her new nursary, which is attached to a pre-school, which makes it a big school.

Crazy blue font.

2009-04-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

Well this is... colourful.

Hmmm.

Does the music travel?

2009-04-27T05:16:00.001-07:00

From the middle of January to the middle of March this year, I was sailing with my Dad. This is the music we listened to on the boat.

Nina Simone
Verve Jazz Masters - Stan Getz
Astrud Gilberto - Verve Autour de Minuit
Bob Dylan - Good as I been to You / Desire
Manu Chao - Radio Bemba Sound System
John Holt
Desmond Dekker
Jimmy Cliff - The Art of Segovia
Sam Cooke - Portrait of a Legend 1951-64
The Rolling Stones - Black & Blue
Etta James - Chess
Eric Clapton - Me and Mr Johnson
Cassandra Wilson
Norah Jones
Jacques Loussier

This is what I missed.

2009-04-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

A tragi-comedy rendered in facebook.

Graham Moore thinks you wouldn't believe him if he said he went to a gig and experienced the lead singer singing along to his slideshow of 'A Complete History of Communism vol. 5', drawn in crayon. And then giving out his mobile numer to see who in the crowd would call first! :) 22 hours ago

Bethan Hopkins at 12:20am April 23
dude, who did you see?

Bethan Hopkins gutted, gutted, gutted. Some sort of time machine? Me not forgetting about the Jeffrey Lewis gig? That would be nice. 41 minutes ago

Graham Moore at 10:40pm April 24
Very sorry to hear, twas a gooood gig last night...

Bethan Hopkins Are you serious? I'm so jealous I could die
3 minutes ago

Graham Moore at 1:02am April 23
Jeffrey Lewis, at Scala, Kings Cross, goooood times. Supported by some guys I've never heard of; Johnny Flynn and the Sussex Wit". _Very_ pleasantly surprised by those guys....

This makes no sense, but its the order that it all was revealed to me, despite its noted timings. Its two separate conversations that ultimatly add up to form something that could be expressed thus;

Beth - I missed a good gig.

Graham - Yeah? I didn't. I was there, and Jeffrey Lewis sang along to his slideshow of 'A Complete History of Communism vol. 5', drawn in crayon.

Beth - Rubbish.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also note that I have been spelling the word 'goooood' incorrectly. I was under the impression that 2 "o's" were all that were required.
People who type like that should not be allowed to go to awesome gigs that I forget to go to. Factus.

Literally hundreds of words rhyme with 'Dougherty'

2009-04-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's not often boys get songs written about them. I guess it's nice when they do, even if/ especially when it's a song written by other boys. Hark at the 'bromance. What is a band to do when it's drummer jets of to Japan for a year?

This is 'Panda' by Kimmy Yeah, performed by Kimmy Doyle, Kimmy Armstrong and Kimmy Linskill, at the Shakespear Hotel, in sunny Sheffield.

Vicky would say it was boss, but in this case it's mostly bass.

Books Update.

2009-04-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

I am so out of date and months behind in typing up my "Books I Have Recently Read" lists. The last time I did it was before Christmas, and I can't even remember what colour scheme I settled on. Also, since then I have been in a number of different countries and updating the list in several different notebooks (including one which I am trying to ignore the fact that I have probaly lost).

Anyway, the best I can, and in no particular order, salvaged from bits of paper...

Books

Modern Ranch Living - Mark Poirier

Mulliner Nights - P.G Wodehouse

With A Strange Device - Eric Frank Russell

The Naked Sun - Isaac Asimov

Living, Loving, Party Going (Three Stories) - Henry Greene

At the Villa of Reduced Circumstances - Alexander McCall Smith

The Eve of St Venus - Anthony Burgess

O-Zone - Paul Theroux

Maurice - E.M Forster

Where Angels Fear to Tread - E.M Forster

The Lady with the Little Dog and Other Stories - Anton Chekhov

The Crack-Up (and Other Stories) - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Him With His Foot in His Mouth (and Other Stories) - Saul Bellow

The Mosquito Coast - Paul Theroux

Brick Lane - Monica Ali

Invisible Cities - Italo Calvino

Forty Stories - Dave Eggers

Nature Girl - Carl Hiaasen

The Darling Buds of May - H.E Bates

For Whom The Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway

The Raw Shark Texts - Steven Hall

Mainlines, Blood Feasts and Bad Taste: A Lester Bangs Reader - Edited by John Morthland.

No title for Vicky.

2009-04-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

2009-03-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

Please everyone read and enjoy harkavagrant.com.

On the Nose..

2009-03-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fan of Coventry trio the Enemy, but I did enjoy this quote from an article in the Observer Music Monthly...when asked why more UK bands were not responding or reacting to the current State-of-the-Nation "chaos", Enemy frontman Tom Clarke replied
"They [other bands]'re either thoughtless, stupid, or they've disappeared up their own arses".

S'a good rainbow, this.

2009-01-26T11:33:00.001-08:00

tanks.

Hello Trinidad.

2009-01-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cian%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml">

So, appetites have been truly whetted by my confusing last post... boat? land? what? I don’t know what the day is today, let alone the date, but following my fun-filled family Christmas with my sister and her babba, I got into the whole 'family' bit, and wondered where could I take it from here? 'Where' indeed, turned out to be pretty far, three plane trips, in fact. Armed with my recently discovered sense of peoples mortality and my newfound zen-like non-angry persona, I ended up arranging to go and visit my father, and spend some time with him, for, as I said on the phone as we arranged the visit "Its occurred to me that you could like, die. Because, you’re like, old".
My dad happens to be living on a yacht. He normally sails about on said yacht with his wife (the nautical - wind -appropriately named Westa) but she is recovering from some fairly major shoulder surgery, which left Dad on the boat on his own. I'm a pretty poor sailor - lets be clear on this. Sheffield trams could make me vomit, so I'm full on Linda Blair on a boat. I can’t often tell my left from my right without several attempts, I get sunburned easily, and don’t absorb vitamins as well as the other hominoids (hence I'm prone to bouts of scurvy). Still, I was intrigued by the chance to spend some time trapped in a 39ft floating tin, with one other person, and that person would be the male, grown-up version of me. I know what you’re thinking... two Beths in one small place? With no-one but the other for company? Is this some kind of sit-com from-hell pitch? Possibly. We definitely have the 'sit (ch)' - the boat, and there’s a fair amount of miss hearing and bumping into things -could this be the com? Anyway, after researching (I googled "Films where kids bond with their fathers" - sadly mostly all about fathers and sons, at least one of whom had to be terminally ill, and all pretty appalling movies, although My Life as a House was quite sweet) and packing up my $200 hair straighteners and pair of 'super-awesome' bluebird cowboy boots, I left grey old UK, via Heathrow and Manchester airports, to go get my nautical on.

I flew to Grenada, where Dad picked me up. His boat is the good ship Marsha Claire, pictured above. It is 39 feet long, and 12 feet wide. It has three bedrooms and two bathrooms -making it more impressive statisticly than anywhere I have lived in my adult life. We stayed in Grenada for 4 days where we were moored in the sea in Prickly Bay. It was a five minute dingy ride from the boat to the shore. This is the first time I have ever been able to start the dingy. A good sign. We went for two practice sails before our big overnight sail to Trinidad. It turns out sailing at night is pretty lame, especially when its pitch dark (the moon doesnt come up here until quite late in the night), its dark, scary and lonley. But not cold. It is never cold here. Its about 30-something degrees in the day, and once I saw the thermometer go down to around 24 one night. Anyway, we managed to avoid and death or disaster that night (although I dont think Dad wore his harness once, even during the very short but marginally exciting 'squall'). We arrived in Trinidad in the morning, where the boat was going to be hauled onto the ground to have its bottom painted. So now we are parked in a big old boatyard, where all the boats stand upright, balanced on their keels and metal support poles. You get in and out of your boat via a metal ladder, so its like living in a very hot treehouse. Good fun though, in a very Baden-Powell way. We will be hear for another week or so, until the boat work is finished. trinidad is much more fun than Grenada. Theres a jungle behind us, with howler monkeys which sound like machinery, and giant butterflies. There are steel-bands who practice in yards and are much cooler sounding than I ever expected. We've been out running in the jungle and are going bird-watching on an old plantation tomorrow. The internet connection comes and goes, but I will get some better pictures up soon, promise.

How appropriate.

2009-01-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

I'm on the boat. I'm in Trinidad. The boat is on the land which is a curious thing. More to follow.

Unexplainable

2009-01-07T12:40:00.001-08:00

I hate packing. I don't know why, all I know is that it leaves me a mental wreck and a broken woman. To combat this my normal approach is to wait until the last possible second, and then devote 80% of the time I have to stomping around soliloquizing about how I cant handle and hate packing, then use the remaining time to throw inappropriate and often unwashed clothes into a bag, before losing control completely and throwing half of them out, because "No one can be expected to carry a bag this heavy!" and "Shoes are overrated" and "I'll buy towels!!". Or, in the case of my November trip to Sheffield, going wine-tasting the night before, waking up late and forgetting to pack entirely.

So this time I have shocked and surprised myself by starting to pack not four hours or four minutes before I leave the country, but four days before. Its incredible. I had all the same break-downs this morning, while Kaydence looked on appalled but remained calm and was always there with an "Its okay" and "Don't worry" and had several strops where I declared the whole idea of packing was impossible and convincing myself that I had many hours of watching the situation get much worse before it got any better, but now, eight hours later, I think its going to be okay. My bag is packed. Tomorrow I will unpack it and wash everything, Friday I will unpack it and throw half the clothes out (shoes are over-rated, and often unnecessary) - but the point is that for the next few days I don't have to worry about packing, because, its kinda done.

Winner.

Something in my eye...

2009-01-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

Last night I started watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Its a long movie, but a damn good one - so far. It was about 59 minutes in when I started crying, and when, at, the 72 minute mark, I was still crying, I decided to leave it for the day, as it was super late and I didn't want to go to bed a teary, sniffly wreck. As I was drifting off it occurred to me that I don't cry very much, not without the assistance of 17 or so amaretto sours, and I couldn't remember having a seriously good cry at anything from real life since Mandy's baby died in Hollyoaks. Then I remembered that Hollyoaks was not real life.

Movies, however, make me cry a fair bit, so here is (specifically) a list of Movies That Have Made Me Cry While At The Movies (in no particular order, in any way).

Pans Labyrinth - I went to see this with my then-boyfriend Sam, who had completely opposite film taste to me - to the extent that after a particularly stressful two hours for him at the movies with me, as we emerged blinking into the sunlight, he declared that if I ever tried to make him see another movie that had the word 'bittersweet' mentioned in reference to it in anyway, he would unceremoniously strangle me with my copy of Sight and Sound - but he did announce Pans Labyrinth to be the third best film he had ever seen, after Gladiator and Dodgeball, and we both tried to pretend we hadn't balled like babies at the end.

The Pianist - I went to see this at my University cinema with my friend Therese. I started crying at about 36 minutes in, cried all the way through, and for most of the 20 minute walk back to Halls. Therese didn't even sniffle, but she's from Leeds, and studied feminist literature.

Castaway - Cried for most of the second half, but only because my Dad sails, and I got worried that if he was ever shipwrecked, he would be lonely.

The English Patient - Oh I know, I know - but only when the dude cant get anyone to understand him and his lady's dying in the cave. Saw this with my Mom in a cinema in Slough.

Titanic - This is super-embarrassing, I must have been about 14 when this came out, and it was a big deal. I tried twice to see it at the movies, the first time I was removed by an usher for being hysterical, and the second time I excused myself. I have since tried to watch it twice on television, and have never even got close to the end. Not remotely close. I can make it to the bit with the third class passengers behind the gate, then its game-over.

A Little Princess - Again I was about 14 when I went to see this with a schoolfriend named Zoe. We wept openly, while a group of tear-free 8-year-old girls peered curiously at us in the dark.

Transformers - Unexplainable. It was the nobility of the damn things. Saw it at the IMAX.

These are just films I've seen in a cinema, by the by, there is no room on this list for other embarrassing causes of emotion-show, like The Green Mile, The Notebook, Armageddon (seen twice on airplanes, and cried both times, and not just because of the shitty script), Dead Poets Society, The Railway Children (even seeing a clip of this can get me twinkling), Awakenings, Good Morning Vietnam (double whammy for Mr Williams there), (don't even get me started on anything horrific like Bambi, Dumbo, The Land Before Time, The Lion King etc) oh and that weird flick with Marissa Tomai (sp?) and the autistic kid. Oh God Lord, and nothing with evil parents like Radio Flyer or This Boys Life, and while we're with Leo, Basketball Diaries, and while we're on drugs Requiem for a Dream and American History X.

I have just checked with my sister, and she says the only film that has ever made her cry was United 193.

So what have we learned? Don't sink my boat, beat your children or inspire classrooms of privileged man-boys in front of me, or I might just cry. Carpe Diem, boys, seize the day!

Ace of Cakes.

2009-01-05T14:51:00.000-08:00

I Like TV Shows.

Since spending Christmas with Ceri and Ben and their Sky Tv, I have been enjoying a lot more of it (we had Sky at the house in London, but it broke in March, and when I got back from Edinburgh in September, it was still broke. And yeah, we were still paying for it. Ridiculous) Anyway, I had recently become a fan of both Bones (the incredibly monikered Dr Temperance Brennan solves murder cases using forensic technology that is not going to exist for about another billion years, and is completely immersed in her work because, as far as I can fathom, her parents disappeared when she was a teenager and no-one could ever figure out what happened to them. Umm, Okay. She does this with her team of angsty, witty, INCREDIBLY good looking doctors etc and its all good fun) and Stargate Atlantis (its space, its the future - but they run out of batteries, bicker and get lost a lot. Awesome). But these two things have been totally eclipsed by my recent discovery -Ace of Cakes. Ace of Cakes is a Miami Ink style reality show, set in a bakery in Baltimore. They make 'extreme' cakes. Cakes. Its incredible. Unbelievable. Its on some food channel very late at night and its engaging, bizarre, upbeat and completely wonderful.
I set off for Cuba on Monday, so plan to Ace of Cake it until then.

Le video.

2008-12-08T03:39:00.000-08:00

Le video from le secret cinema. Here.

Secret Cinema -Ghostbusters.

2008-12-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday I stage-managed for the lovely people at Secret Cinema. We were showing Ghostbusters, at the Lawrence Hall near Victoria, which we did up to look like the Sedgewick Hotel from the movie. As people arrived they saw a NY taxi pull up with Dana in and her rush into the building, followed by Louis, then the Ghostbusters arrived in the appropriate car, and a CNN van turned up. NY newspaper boys gave out copies of the newspapers from the film, and as the audience walked through the foyer/ hotel lobby, they were given room keys. They walked through a series of installations of sets from the film (including Darla's appartment in which I had accidentally secured a fake sideboard to a fake fridge by simply drilling through both....) and watched the film in the 'ballroom', afterwards, DJ Paul spun some 80's tunes. 912 people attended.

There are endless photos of the event here.

Your baby need styling?

2008-11-15T12:28:00.001-08:00

I got Kaydence dressed today. Ceri-Mummy just sighed...

How to make books.

2008-11-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

Draw some killer pictures, as requested (for those not in the know, the rat-pig thing on the far left is Winston, a chinchilla, and my room-mate).

Get your leading colourist to lay it down.

Hole-punch and tie it all together with a jaunty cardboard cover, et vwah-lah...

How can I service you today?

2008-11-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

My Dad wants to know if I want to go sailing with him, for two months, in the Caribbean.

As I walked down Maidenhead High Street, listening to young mothers hitting their children, with rain pouring down the back of my neck, on my way to my interview at the local CD shop (once Our Price, formerly HMV, short lived Virgin, now a Zavvi), I thought... yeah, now that sounds like a good deal.

Seriously, where do I sign up?

Decline and Fall.

2008-11-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

Evelyn Waugh is the Anna Faris of literature. Stuff falls broadly under the comedy blanket, but a good fall comedy fall is a good comedy fall, no matter what the experts say. Today I finished off Decline and Fall. It's good, read it. It's strongest in it's first third.

"I suppose the first thing I ought to do is get your names clear. What is your name?" he [Paul} asked, turning to the first boy.
"Tangent, sir."
"And yours?"
"Tangent, sir," said the next boy. Pauls heart sank.
"But you can't both be called Tangent".
"No, sir, I'm Tangent. He's just trying to be funny".
"I like that. Me trying to be funny! Please sir, I'm Tangent, sir; really I am.
"If it comes to that, " said Master Clutterbuck from the back of the room, "there is only one Tangent here, and that is me, anyone else can jolly well go to blazes".
Paul felt desperate.
"Well, is there anyone here who isn't Tangent?"
Four or five voices instantly arose.
"I'm not sir; I'm not tangent.I wouldn't be called Tangent, sir"
In a few seconds the room had become divided in to two parties: those who were Tangent, and those who were not. Blows were already being exchanged, when the door opened and Grimes came in. There was a slight hush.
"I thought you might like want this", he said, handing Paul a walking stick "and if you take my advice you'll give them something to do".
He went out; and Paul, firmly grasping the walking stick, faced his form.
"Listen", he said. "I don't care a damn what any of you are called, but if theres another word from you I shall keep you in all afternoon".
"You can't keep me in", said Clutterbuck, "I'm going for a walk with Captain Grimes".
"Then I shall very well nearly kill you with this stick. Meanwhile, you shall all write an essay on 'Self-indulgence'. There will be a prize of half-a-crown for the longest essay, irrespective of any possible merit".
From then onwards all was silence until breaktime.

Johnny Dreams of Plastic?

2008-11-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

My friend and fellow lone-blogging wolf Simon wrote this comic strip, based on an experience he had at his work.
So I wrote this.

As I'm not working at the moment, I don't have any experiences at work. However, today I dropped a bottle of Calpol on the kitchen floor. Calpol is a children's medicine that doesn't do much except reduce fever and taste of sugar, sugar and strawberry syrup. Kids go crazy for it, and in turn it makes them a little crazy. Theres liters of the stuff here. Its a viscous substance, shimmers in the light and it very hard to clear up. Also the bottle breaks in a manner of interesting ways. Shouldn't it be plastic?

Blah. Teh. Meh.

2008-11-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

You think about things a lot less when your foremost companion is a three-year-old. Today we baked cakes and pretended to be various modes of transport. Then I popped up Norden Farm to check out some jazz. An old dude told me about his post-war days playing trombone and jiving at the 100 club. I was well jealous.

Sticking and Gluing 2. Stick Harder!

2008-11-06T14:40:00.000-08:00

Kaydence and I made this sign today for her bedroom door. I did the letters (!), my favorite being the 'Y'. I am also proud that Spiderman got such good billing. I also tried to explain that the letter 'C' was blue, which is the same colour as 'the sea'. Then I tried to explain why this was interesting, but then couldn't remember if it was a homophone or what, so I just made splashing noises for a while. Kaydence unimpressed by my attempt at invoking a marine wonderland with only my voice and my heart. Imbecile.

Sticking and Gluing

2008-11-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

Today, Kaydence and I did sticking and gluing. We made this cool box. The coolness of the box was overshadowed somewhat when I let her play with the big scissors. Kick-ass box soon forgotten.

Things I've learned about childcare from my sister #1

It is perfectly acceptable for a three-year-old, when not sticking or gluing, to watch up to eight hours of television a day, provided it's the Disney Channel*. If my sister even gets a hint that Kaydence is about to watch, say, Buffy the Vampire Slayer with me, all hell breaks loose (appropriately enough). Say what you want, Ces, but when the Hellmouth apocalypse rears its heavily-prosthetic-ed head, do you want a daughter whose able to assist the team and provide pithy quips, or whose only contribution is to suggest that we get out the Mouseket-tools?
Think on, Ceri. Think on.

*The only thing, the only thing worth watching that Kaydence is allowed to watch is a programme called My Friend Rabbit. The theme song is lovely and the animation (actual art work, not 3D primary-coloured nastiness) is gorgeous. Rock on Rabbit, and your quirky duckling friends.

The libary! The place where books are free!

2008-11-04T03:51:00.000-08:00

http://www.scarygoround.com/

Tuesday is Libary Day, of course. Today I am returning the following.

Words

In Dubious Battle, John Steinbeck - is here.

The Ordeal of Gilbert Pinfold, Evelyn Waugh - "A disquieting, sharply comic novel which recounts a period of mental breakdown in the life of Gilbert Pinfold, inspired by Waughs period of what he calls his 'late lunacy'. This was weird and intense and sharp. Good though.

The Heart is a Lonley Hunter, Carson McCullers - Focuses on a deaf mute and the people he encounters in a 1930s mill town in Georgia. It created a literary sensation on publication, rising to the top of the bestseller lists in 1940 and was the first in a string of works by McCullers to give voice to the rejected, mistreated and oppressed. This was great, apart from the sad doctor and his boring daughter. I look forward to reading more.

A Spot of Bother, Mark Haddon - the second adult novel by the author of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. More mental health issues and family values. This went on and on and on and had very little point. It could have happily been 100 pages shorter

Words and Pictures

The Museam Vaults, Marc-Antoine Mathieu - This is one of the greatest books I have ever read, ever. Totally beautiful, provoking and inspiring. I would love to read it in French.

The Best of American Splendor (2005), Harvey Pekar (and friends) - The usual from the usual suspects. Still good though.

Listen to Yourself.

2008-11-03T03:48:00.000-08:00

How supergreat is this? Its from the algorith-tastic http://www.xkcd.com/

And is has led us to this nifty gadget on Youtube...

Heres some of how that all happened... oh comput-y giggles.

Tim Minchin - Are You Ready?

2008-11-02T05:54:00.000-08:00

Last night I had one of the most enjoyable evenings I have had in a long time. While I may moan that I have moved to a town suffering some kind og culture-crunch, Maidenhead does have a rather nice Arts Center, thanks to £10 bagillion of lottery money it was awarded in 1999. The Arts Center was built in a set of old farm buildings next to the Sixth Form college I went to, and I used to do volunteer work there in the evenings. Now that I'm back in town, I'm back at the farm. Its a good place to work, having two theatre spaces and a cinema.

So last night Tim Minchin was performing his Edinburgh show "Ready for This?" in the big theatre down the farm. Tims show sold out across its Edinburgh run, and had some great reviews. My parents went to see it and loved it, but they laugh at everything. I'm not even sure if I like comedy, and I really don't make as much effort to go to stand-up stuff as I could. I'm generally worried that the pressure of expecting something to be funny will be too much for me, and I'll crack under said pressure and end up dissecting every joke, or, due to the fact that I sometimes find the oddest things funny beyond belief, I will end up laughing myself to near asphyxiation at, well, nothing really. Like when I nearly died at Kings Cross because Sam said "smelly mess" in a sentence.

I've not seen that much comedy, as a direct result of these two factors. The only comedian I have actively made an effort to go and see in the past was Dylan Moran, and while hes probably not the funniest chap in the world, hes just the kind of person I really enjoy spending time with. Working in Edinburgh the past two summers has put my comedy watching numbers through the roof (compared to the pre-Edinburgh count of (1). David O'Doherty is wonderful, Rick Shaperio is crazed, I've seen some mental Canadian comedian leap off stage and punch a cellist in the head, Jim Jeffries made me laugh a fair bit. I don't think I've ever seen a female comedian live, apart from at work (the supremely awful Marisa, and the quite funny-ish Judy Batalion, who was Jewish).

But Minchin... whats the deal with him? The deal is he's wonderful, and if you get a chance then certainly go and sit in his audience for a few hours. His comedy is full of whimsy, puns and digs at the things it feels good to dislike, like war, crooked politics and aromatherapy. Hes a reasonably talented musician, his comedy songs are glorious, and he has a wonderful singing voice. I think he shines in his stand-up moments, but the whole thing is like watching a wonderful mix of Rufus Wainwright and a well-medicated Bill Hicks.

You can watch some of his songs here on the youtube, and there isn't a mix-tape in the world that should be considered complete without his masterful musical work "If I Didn't have You" or his spoken work epic "Storm" or, my personal favorite (because I really bears) "Bears Don't Dig on Dancing". Don't be put off by his hair, its part of the game.

Thank you very much Mr Minchin. You're welcome round for a pot of tea anytime.

Hello Everybody!

2008-11-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

My road trip buddy.
Ceri, Ben and a rouge flamenco dancer.

Something nice.

2008-11-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

Living here in Maidenhead has its ups and downs, thats for sure. One of the worst things is having to find a job, because theres buggering nothing to do. At the moment I'm temping at a software company. In the process of procuring this job I had to ask my friend Lucy for a reference. Here is the reference she wrote.

I met Bethan at university five years ago and we have been good friends ever since. I feel that I can personally vouch for her honesty and integrity, as well as her infectious personality and excellent sense of humour. She has been a strong and consistent figure in my life for the past five years and I am glad to call her my friend.

Due to the practical nature of our degree course, I worked with Bethan on a number of projects including creating broadcast packages and making a magazine. She could always be relied on to be creative, productive and was always supportive of other people in any group work we did. She was also a very active member of the student community, often contributing to activities such as the student radio and newspaper, and continues to be very popular among fellow graduates of our course.

I would unreservedly recommend Bethan Hopkins for employment, and, were I recruiting for a position under my current role, would have no reservations about hiring her.

Well I was suitably touched by this, and it did indeed secure me my job, where, amongst other activities, I devote a certain amount of time to reading this, which I really enjoy. Its a little silly, with some campy costumes and a comfortingly familiar storyline, but the artwork is fantastic.

Bad news bears.

2008-10-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

If you’re thinking about starting a blog, don’t. Paul Boutin says the "Age of the Solo Blogger" is over:
“Scroll down Technorati’s list of the top 100 blogs and you’ll find personal sites have been shoved aside by professional ones. Most are essentially online magazines: The Huffington Post. Engadget. TreeHugger. A stand-alone commentator can’t keep up with a team of pro writers cranking out up to 30 posts a day.”

Muskets at dawn, Boutin. 'Cos that sounds like fighting talk.

Happy Hallo-weiner.

2008-10-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

My little sister Ceri is quite obsessed with the paranormal – she’s keen on ghosts, spirits and aliens. She also believes in these three things, based she says, on two ‘experiences’ she had when she was younger. Whenever she starts to talk about these ‘experiences’ and express frustration in my lack of belief in either ghosts, aliens or spirits, I assume what must be a frankly odd facial expression (very wide ‘Gosh’ eyes, slightly pursed ‘hmmm’ lips, and nod sagely, while muttering “It sounds like a very personal experience, hmmm”). Anyway, as part of this and the highly unfortunate scheduling of the modern calendar, I moved into her house just prior to Most Haunted Live Week. I have now logged close to eight hours of watching MHL with her, as they are in the middle of a week-long investigation special, which runs until Midnight on Friday - the commercially dubious Halloween.

MHL revolves around Ex-Blue Peter presenter Yvette Fielding, and her cameraman husband Karl. Ceri hates Karl with a viciousness which is far more interesting and rewarding to observe than anything which happens on screen. Her watching of MHL is punctuated by almost-fit like spasms of screaming “Fucking Karl! I ‘ate ‘im! Hes such a fucking faker!” and her quite wonderful "Karl being fake-scared by spirits" impressions. Yvette and the dreaded Karl are joined by the shows presenter, a round little man named Paul who looks like a builder dressed up in a shiny suit, and is personable and almost sweet; their ‘guest demonologist’ Brian; a sketch artist who draws the spirits in the room (whose name I cant remember), and a very frightening blonde historian lady.. This weeks investigation is taking place in an abandoned mental asylum in North Wales. The building is in a pretty serious state of decay, and looks, from the cutaway shots which pre and succeed each 15 minute live segment, pretty cool and darn scary. It is located in a simply huge village-type- complex area, as at one time the asylum was mostly self sufficient, and its out-buildings included chapels, blacksmiths, mills and barns. MHL goes on for HOURS. The premise behind MHL is to gather a studio audience of goths, chavs and stupid people, who in this case are seated in the asylums former ballroom, with Paul presiding over them, emcee-style, regailing them with snippety bits of history, and a hell of a lot of re-capping “We’ve heard noises, we’ve heard whispering, we’ve heard doors slamming” (he speaks just like that, lots of repetition of three and no adjectives) and a whole lot of build up to the nights experiment. Now, the experiments of the past three nights have included putting what looks like an oversized outdoor heater into a room and blasting out electricity, an experiment with a voodoo doll, and putting Karl (cue Ceri “Oh not fucking Karl!” into an isolation cell to commune with gosh knows what. Anyway, the build up and palaver goes on forever, before the investigation team venture off into that evening’s part of the building to... I don’t even know. Investigate. Which means they run around while we watch on nightvision cameras, while Yvette implores various spirits to
“Make some noise! Throw something! Copy me! Tap twice!” indispersed with moments where she shouts “Shh!! Did you hear that? What was that?” and it inevitably is the noise made by a camera or someone’s feet or a car outside.

So there is a bit of background to this most awful of shows. And here is the good news, I have been dutifully recapping during my hours spent watching this atrocity, and as part of a mighty Halloween blogathon, will aim to put up some highlights/best bits, and of course reveal any personal changes I may have made during this most eye-opening of personal experiences. But for now I leave you with this happy exchange

Ceri :“Arrgghhh!! Not Karl!! He always ruins everything. Nrrrgggh!
Beth : “Yeah. He’s a total berk. Let’s write to Yvette and tell her how unhappy he makes you. Lets kill him!! Let’s break into his house and spook him! Lets...”
Ceri : “Shhh!! Look, we missed a noise… that was… a noise! You’ve got to take this more seriously. OH SHUT UP KARL I HATE YOU!”

Pack up your troubles, come on, get happy...

2008-10-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

There really is nothing like a good poster child, whether for a cause, a movement or a whole generation. And now we have one! Falling nicely into the cause category, the lovely Debbie Purdy is the new poster-girl for assisted suicide. And she is literally made of awesome. Debbie has MS, and is well aware that her quality of life, physical, mental and emotional states may, in the future, deteriorate past the point where she could say “Well huh, my boss hates me, they’ve discontinued my favourite lipstick shade and I can’t believe they’ve cancelled Alias, but at least I have my health”. So Debbies been in court recently, not really asking for much at all. In fact all Debbie wants from the courts is that they clarify the laws pertaining to assisted suicide. Clarify, not change. Debbie, quite rightly, is worried that when she makes her trip over to Switzerland to stock up on cuckoo clocks, munch some really good chocolate, and kill herself, her husband will be arrested on his return to England for breaking the law by assisting her peaceful death. Now, committing suicide is not illegal in this country, but the law is pretty clear that a person cannot help another person kill themselves.

In this case, Debbie, wanting to make sure she acts inside the law and wanting to also protect her husband, is simply asking the Director of Public Prosecutions to clearly set out all the circumstances in which a person may face prosecution; which a court today ruled was not going to happen. Currently, after an act is committed the courts review the actions and decide if they will prosecute. Come on, that’s totally lame. All Debbie wants is to be able to stay within the law and protect her family – but the law is stopping her do those things. Crazy. Now, the law, passed in 1968, had its last big moment in the spotlight in 2006, when a UK bill which would have made "physician-assisted suicide" legal was thrown out by the House of Lords. The debate over the issue was heightened (at the time) by the case of Diane Pretty, a motor neurone disease patient who fought a legal campaign to make her husband safe from prosecution should he help her to die. Not only did she lose her case, but the European Court of Human Rights ruled on 29 April that the refusal of the British courts to allow Diane Pretty's husband to help her to die did not contravene her human rights.

The law is in place for a reason, that’s for sure. Its there to help vulnerable people who risk becoming coerced into an assisted suicide. That seems fair enough. And yes, I guess the majority of laws are in place to protect vulnerable people, but sometimes the lines can become a little blurry (the classic Who Was at Fault? Humbert, Dolores, or Dolores crazy mother..?). Also Anti-euthanasia campaigners are worried that a change in the law might not only be abused but that it might lead to resources being diverted away from palliative care (the bit of medicine focused on alleviating the suffering of terminally-ill patients). But how about poor Debbie? She’s looking to end up in a really awkward position, where her choice is to either risk getting her husband locked up when he returns from taking her abroad to die, or taking the trip under her own steam, which means deciding when she has become ill enough to want to die, but not so ill as she requires assistance with, you know, carrying her bags or hailing a taxi.

Crazy. Anyway, although Debbie didn’t succeed in court today, she has been granted an appeal hearing, which at least shows an acceptance of the overwhelming public interest factor to the case.

Oh, and if you haven’t heard about Debbie today, it’s not your fault. All the worlds’ media has been taken up by Public Outrage, due to Russell Brand and Jonty Ross being Rude and Offensive. Now, lets be clear here 1) The BBC are not going to sack Russ and J-Ro, they make the BBC far too much money. 2) It wouldn’t make any difference if they did. Those two grinning loons would just carry on their infiltrations of our conscious on some other broadcasting frequency, with the added bonus of being so super-edgy that they were sacked from the BBC. 3) I honestly don’t care either way; I just didn’t want anybody to feel bad that they didn’t know about Debbie. Although it’s always fun to speculate how the BBC will tackle a public apology, a’la Richard Bacon.

In Dubious Battle, John Steinbeck.

2008-10-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

In Dubious Battle is John Steinbeck’s second novel, finished in 1936. It is the story of fruit pickers in Southern California, who organize a mass strike of the seasons transitory apple pickers, with the hope that their demands for a more reasonable wage will not only be recognised by the apple growers, but also by the cotton farmers whom they will be working for after the apple season. It’s a fairly manly book, which charts the political development of its characters, and the physical and emotional struggles they face surviving in their strikers’ camp. I love John Steinbeck. The man actually managed to write two of my favourite books in the whole world – Sweet Thursday – which is just awesome, and Tortilla Flat – which contains one of my favourite scenes in all literature. The books hero, Danny, is thrown a party which is so magnificent that he gets completely, amazingly drunk, challenges all the men in the village to a fight, and then dies falling down a cliff. I cant remember the actual quote, buts its something along the lines of “Whenever people remembered and talked of that party, the stories got more fantastic and more incredible, until it was widely believed that on that night, wolves had bayed at the moon, the earth had exhaled and clouds had split and written Danny in blood across the sky”. That’s total paraphrasing though. Well beyond paraphrase in fact. Sorry Steiners. It also has a great description of Henri the Painter, which runs somewhat along these lines “Henri the painter was not French, and his name was not Henri. He was also no longer a painter, for he had so long schooled himself in the schisms of the left-bank – eagerly embracing each movement as it emerged – that before long he had given up paint entirely”. Awesome. Anyway, Stieners managed to write two of my favourite books, although these are considered by critics to be his “fun” books, and far inferior to his “not-fun” books like The Grapes of Wrath and the much less popular In Dubious Battle. Although, the majority of Steinbeck’s work deals with the same themes, in the same settings – I mean the man writes almost exclusively about conflict and struggles of working man in 1920’s Southern California. He certainly hasn’t written any books about, oh I don’t know, a mad inventor who builds a ray which accidentally shrinks down his children and next-door neighbours, not only resulting in a missed fishing trip and family bonding session, but in a near-death encounter between his anaphylactic-shock-prone son and a giant bee – so if the subject matter is mainly the same, then I guess taking out all the colour makes something a “not-fun” book, and therefore “better”. That’s not really fair though, the difference between the sets of books is that the protagonists in the “fun” books are not prepared to make sacrifices in order to improve their lives, where as in the “not-fun” books they are. I have been happily working my way through the Steinbeck’s over the years, and am generally delighted by them all. In Dubious Battle is a staggering, powerful book. It’s fairly bleak, and is basically a very, very long conversation between varieties of 40-year-old men of various vocations, but it’s still pretty darn amazing. Oh, and the title comes from Paradise Lost, courtesy of Mr Milton.

Innumerable force of Spirits armed,
That durst dislike his reign,
and, me preferring,His utmost power with adverse power opposed
In dubious battle on the plains of Heaven,
And shook His throne.

The Good Life (movie)

2008-10-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I was interested in watching this film for a couple of reasons...

1) It stars the very sweet Mark Webber, who wrote and produced and possibly directed Explicit Ills, which features the heart-wrenchingly beautiful Paul Dano, who I am ever so slightly in love with.

2) It was written and directed by Steve Berra, who was (possibly still is) a proffesional skateboarder who used to skate for Toy Machine and DVS. The Good Life was screened at Sundance in 2007, which means Berra is (so far) the only professional athlete ever to have written and directed a film that was accepted into competition at Sundance. Well done Steve.

I appreciate that these are kind of stupid reasons to search out and watch a film, and a waste of time I could have spent watching Hogan Knows Best reruns and eating cheese spread, but since I went to all this trouble, I guess I could mention a few things I thought about it.

Its a nice film. Its certainly well directed and without exception the performances are pretty outstanding. The script is kind of lame in places, in a slightly cringy, cliche ridden way, but real life conversations are often like that anyway. Its a film that should have a seriously awesome soundtrack, but if it does I didn't notice it. Its the sort of film girls would like, but the female characters really don't get represented in the most positive of lights.

So... whats the stupid film about? According to IMDB, its "A story about a mostly normal young man who makes the most out of fitting in when he obviously doesn't.
Plot: A young man (Mark Webber) is encouraged by a new friend (Zooey Deschanel) to cope with living in a town where he doesn't necessarily fit in".

So there. Well done Steve. And you're a brave man for marrying Juliette Lewis, even if it was just for a while. Well done Steve.

Something for everyone...

2008-10-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

Jeffrey Lewis is a pretty cool guy. He does lots of things which I like... he takes photos, he makes documentaries and he released the album 12 Crass Songs, a collection of songs by the legendary anarchist punk band Crass, reworked into folk, rock, psychedelic, orchestral and electronica productions. The other thing he does well is comic books - particularly "Wobblies! A Graphic History of the Industrial Workers of the World" which you can still buy, here -http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1844675254/ref=pd_ecc_rvi_1/103-9766775-4160607?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance

Its pretty expensive, but still cool.

I'm getting the hang of this, I believe.

2008-10-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

I like this..

(From Jurassic Park) A custom system with millions of
lines of code controlling a multimillion dollar theme
park can be operated by a 13 year old who has seen a
Unix system before. Seeing an operating system means you
know how to run any application on that system, even custom apps.
    What OS was it really running?
           (1) "These are super computers".  A CrayOS?
           (2) "Quicktime movie, Apple logo, trash can."  MacOS?
           (3) "Reboot. System ready. C:\"  DOS?
           (4) "Hey, this is Unix.  I know this"  Unix?
The computers in Jurassic Park were Cray supercomputers running
the MacOS as a graphical shell of DOS all layered on top of a
Unix base.

Its from here -  http://nand.net/~demaria/hollywood.txt

Oh the possibilites... and pictures too.

2008-10-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

Hey it can do pictures too... I like this picture. Its two setlists from two bands that I love love love. I saw them cuddled up together on the corner of the stage the morning after a gig. (the setlists, not the bands in question).

This seemed like a good idea at the time..

2008-10-26T13:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Simon seems to have a new blog. So in admirable "anything you can do/hey whats that cool kid got I want one!" I now have one too. I used to keep a blog of sorts on the myspace, where I wittered on about bands and shoes and transcribed conversations I had had with people - and now I can do that again! Here! Hazzah!
Also I now live with my sister and her 3 year old daughter, whose name is Cadence, and I have to look after her a fair bit, which I've never done before and I guess in the spirit of new experiences, I could throw caution to the wind and try out a bit of blogging again.
But mostly I'm doing this because someone else I know did it first.